


Run Boy, Run

by DefaltManifesto



Series: Becoming a Pack [2]
Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Angst, Blow Jobs, Canon Typical Violence, Emotionally Repressed Jackson, Hand Jobs, Multi, Spoilers for Season 2
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-04-14
Updated: 2013-04-14
Packaged: 2017-12-08 10:15:09
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 9,035
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/760214
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DefaltManifesto/pseuds/DefaltManifesto
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>No one really got what it was like to not have an identity, to be constantly trying to fill a void for someone, to try and make people fill the void for you. Jackson didn't want the pack, even as he yearned for it. If he stops fighting the bond, will he find peace or just more rejection?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. This World is Not Made for You

**Author's Note:**

> Wow I'm so bad at summaries. Anyways. This first chapter is angsty as hell. The second one is already written and will be posted tomorrow so hopefully you won't have to cry for too long. I hope you enjoy. Title and chapter names taken from the song Run Boy Run by Woodkid.
> 
> I have a tumblr here: schizzar.tumblr.com if you are interested in fanfic updates or just general nerding from me.

Apparently becoming a werewolf wasn't as cracked up as Jackson thought it would be. What with the whole kanima, mass murdering, and being legally declared dead part. It didn't help that finding out about all the weird, totally not human, totally not normal things that roamed Beacon Hills had triggered one of Lydia's meltdowns. They had decided to take a break for a month, then try and talk it all out.

Which left him feeling more alone than before, the only good side being that once he broke free of the kanima's curse, he couldn't go back. Being alone gave him time to research just how much damage he had caused. That didn't make him feel much better either. His pride, what little remained of it, prevented him from going to the pack for help though. He wanted the power, the independent identity, an identity that didn't need to be propped up by those around him. The pack would ruin that for him.

Jackson had fallen off the map socially from his time under Matt's control. He and Danny rarely hung out like they had before, the distance between them still too recent to try and close. As the end of the year began to slide towards summer, Jackson found himself spending more time inside his house on his own.

It wasn't until he opened his bedroom door to find Boyd perched on the edge of his windowsill that he realized how much a recluse he had become. He hadn't interacted with the other much, if at all. Boyd had always seemed well put together and aloof, but now everything about his body language screamed his anxiety and worry.

"You know that window has a lock," Jackson said, dropping his bag on the floor as he shut the door.

"Look, if you want to be a dick, fine, just hear me out," Boyd said. "Erica and Isaac got taken by hunters."

"Weird. Still not my problem," Jackson said.

"They're your pack."

"No," Jackson said, moving over to his desk and sitting down in the chair. "They're _your_ pack."

"The three of us can't take a group of hunters on our own. We need all the help we can get," Boyd said. "You know I wouldn't come to you if it wasn't important."

Jackson tapped his fingers along his thigh, his other hand moving to support his head. "Can't really bring myself to care."

Boyd moved fast, tossing Jackson out of his chair and onto the floor in one smooth motion. "Okay, how about you help us, or I rip your throat out. Cool?"

Jackson got to his feet, keeping his expression cool despite the fear that made his heart race. Boyd was larger and faster, and he probably would be able to make good on his threat. Regardless, he didn't want to admit it to himself or Boyd. He couldn't let go of the last shred of pride he had.

Boyd ran a hand down his face, then stared back at Jackson. "Jackson. You don't have to join the pack. Just help us out this one time." There was a begging note in Boyd's voice that made something in Jackson's chest physically ache.

"I can't," Jackson said. "I'm sorry."

"Why not?"

 _Because if I give a little bit I might give it all._ Jackson looked down. "Just use someone else."

"God you're so...stubborn," Boyd said. He moved past Jackson to swing up onto the windowsill. "If you change your mind, meet us at Derek's place in two hours. Okay?"

Jackson glanced at the clock. It was already six. He didn't like the idea of being out all night, which he would be if he did what Boyd wanted. When he looked back, Boyd was already gone. With a loud sigh, he flopped back onto his bed, hand palming at his pocket until he could grab his phone. On instinct, he clicked to Lydia's number, thumb hovering over the call button. After another moment of hesitation, he hit it and brought it up to his ear. It rang only twice before Lydia picked up.

"Jackson." Lydia's voice put him at ease almost immediately. That was another fact he would probably continue to deny. "Are you okay?"

"No." The word was past his lips before he could stop it, and he cringed even though Lydia couldn't see him. "I don't know what I'm doing."

"Clearly, otherwise you wouldn't admit it," Lydia said. "What happened?"

"I guess Isaac and Erica got captured by some hunters. Derek and them want me to help fight," Jackson said. He stared up at the ceiling, eyes sliding out of focus.

"So are you going to?" Lydia asked. "I mean, it would be a shame to see them all die just because you didn't show up."

"But if I go, I'll..."

"Jackson." His name was blown out as an irritated sigh and he could hear the rustle of sheets as she rolled onto her back or stomach. "You are _so_ predictable sometimes. I know you hate getting connected to people, but this might actually be good for you."

"It's McCall. And Derek Hale is a grade A creep."

"And they saved both our lives numerous times. They forgave you too. They're your pack and they just want you to accept them," Lydia said.

"When did you become an expert on werewolves?" Jackson knew he was being too hostile, especially since he wanted so badly to be back with her.

Lydia took it all in stride though. "What do you think I've been doing the last few weeks? If we're going to be together I have to actually understand what you're turning into."

"You want to be with me still?" Jackson hated how weak his voice sounded, hated how badly he needed Lydia in his life to even feel like a real person. He was so dependent on her for his own identity and it made him want to tear apart his room.

"I said a break, Jackson. Not eternity. Now go help your pack and don't get killed," Lydia said.

"But...what if they don't want me in their pack?"

"Oh come on, Jackson. Where is your confidence? They've only been asking you to join them since Allison's crazy old grandpa went MIA," Lydia said. "Erica and Isaac were telling me."

"You've been talking to _them_ and not me?" he asked.

"Had to learn about werewolves somehow," Lydia said. "Now go save them so I don't lose the few friends I have left."

"Jeeze, okay."

"And Jackson? I love you."

Jackson swallowed thickly. "Same."

Lydia hung up, leaving him to stare at his ceiling. She had gotten over the fact that Jackson couldn't say it back that often, but he still wished he could. When the time came, he headed for the Hale House. He'd try the pack thing, for Lydia at the very least. And maybe a bit for himself.

 

-.-

 

Erica had been found by the time he reached Derek's. When he entered, she was in the living room curled in front of the couch, shuddering and shaking, her sobs choked and rough while the rest of the pack hovered a solid yard a way.

"So what are we doing?" Jackson asked, pushing his way in between Scott and Derek.

"Waiting," Derek said. "She's not going to let anyone near her right now."

None of them seemed surprised to see Jackson there, though Boyd did spare a quick look and a partial smile in his direction.

"Boyd!" Erica's voice was a harsh gasp as she sat up, tears streaking down her face. Boyd and Scott were wrapped around her in an instant and Jackson took a step forward before shoving down the instinct

Derek nudged Jackson's side. "Come on. It'll take a bit to finish calming her down."

When he looked at Derek, the Alpha jerked his head towards the kitchen. Jackson followed after him and Derek shut the connecting door, muffling the sound of Erica and the others. Derek sat down at one of the tables and Jackson did the same, frowning at the way the chair rocked on the uneven floorboards.

"You ever gonna get this place fixed?" Jackson asked.

Derek's glare made him flinch, but the next moment, Jackson's lips curled back into a snarl. "How about you stop asking offensive questions?"

Jackson tried to hold Derek's gaze, but as the red seeped into the Alpha's eyes, he dropped his own. It made humiliation burn in his gut. "Sorry. So...what did I miss?" He hoped explaining what exactly was happening to Erica would be less of a touchy and offensive subject.

"The hunters were torturing her," Derek said. "We haven't figured out exactly what they want from us yet. They lack any real motive to do that much damage."

"And McCall and Boyd are all over her why?" Jackson asked.

"It's a pack thing. Your packmates' presence can calm you down," Derek said. "If they're doing this to Isaac, he's going to be in an even worse state."

"What did they do to her?" Jackson asked, gaze sliding over to the closed door.

"Chemically induced seizures," Derek said. "Scott said their medical files are missing from the hospital which means the hunters are exploiting any weakness they can find."

"Wait, what about our medical files?" Jackson asked. It wasn't like he had any weakness there, but he didn't like the idea of having any file on him in the hands of people who had a habit of killing other people.

"Scott didn't check. It's not important. Once we get Isaac, we'll kill all of them," Derek said.

"I'm not killing anyone. I don't-" Jackson cut himself off, glaring down at the floor to avoid the Alpha's eyes.

"You don't want to kill anyone else, do you?" Derek asked. "I'll do the killing. Don't worry. If something makes you too uncomfortable, you tell me. You're pack, whether you want to acknowledge it or not."

Jackson refused to look up. "I'm helping. I'm not your beta. You're not above me. You're not my Alpha."  

"Maybe not. But can we count on you to not leave when the going gets rough?" Derek asked.

"Yes. Probably. I'm gonna save my own life before I bother with yours though," Jackson said.

"I wouldn't expect anything else from you to be honest," Derek said. "Now, it sounds like Erica is ready to talk."

Barely a second after he finished talking, the door opened and Erica stepped through looking as though nothing could've possibly been going wrong mere moments ago. Boyd was still crowding her space, and McCall was just a little ways behind him. Derek got to his feet, and Jackson was surprised how slow and deliberate the Alpha's movements were. Erica visibly relaxed as Derek came to stop in front of her, leaning back on the table.

"What can you remember?" Derek asked.

"They ambushed me on the way home with a dart to the neck. I pulled it out, started running for here. I dropped into a seizure soon after. In between the shots and seizures they used, I was able to call out to you, which I suppose was enough for you to find me," she said.

If he was human still, Jackson wasn't sure he would've heard the slight tremor in her voice. It made something in his chest twist and urge him to wrap around her and comfort her, which was weird. He took a small step back, gaze shifting away from her.

"Did they say anything to you, or around you, about why they were doing this?" Derek asked.

"Just that they wanted to capture us, your betas. I think they said something about...forcing a break in our bond to you."

Derek's eyes flashed red and Erica flinched back into Boyd's arms. The Alpha's eyes returned to normal instantly, a look of regret and something else that Jackson couldn't quite identify.

"Erica, I'm not angry with you," Derek said lowly. "I'm sorry." He offered out a hand.

Erica stepped forward to take it and then let him pull her forward until she was nestled into his chest. "Could they really do that? Break our pack?"     

Derek's arms wrapped around her waist, nuzzling along her jaw. "With enough mental trauma, yes. But I won't let that happen." Jackson looked up, starting a bit when he saw Derek staring right at him. "Which is why you will all stay here and Jackson and I will take care of the hunters and Isaac."

"What?" McCall shoved past Boyd. "You guys can't take them alone."

"I can't risk them taking you," Derek said. "Jackson isn't pack, or well, he hasn't let the bond form completely. They won't be able to use us against each other. Scott, take them to the tunnels below and stay there."

"Is that safe?" Boyd asked. "The Argents know about those."

"True, but the other hunters don't." Derek pressed his lips to Erica's temple and then moved away. "Keep each other safe. Clear?"

McCall nodded and wrapped his arms around Erica. "Let's go Boyd. Don't fuck up, Jackson."

"I'll do better than you ever could, McCall," he said.

Derek shoved him out of the room and towards the front door. "Have your pissing contest later, okay?" Once they were outside, Derek stopped, grabbing Jackson's shoulders and turning him around. "When we do this, you listen to me. Isaac is extremely important to the pack. He's second in command. I can't afford your slip ups when his life, and more importantly the pack bond, is at stake."

"I'm not following. Do you only want him back because he adds to the pack?" Jackson asked. "Harsh."

Derek looked a bit like he wanted to strangle him. "No. The amount of trauma he would have to go through to break that bond would make him worse than dead. Now are you done asking stupid questions?"

"Yeah, sure."

Derek shoved past him. "Then follow me. When we got Erica, I picked up Isaac's scent. Couldn't risk trying to carry back two injured and hysterical betas though."

Jackson kept his mouth shut and obeyed. On some level, he guessed he was worried about Isaac. On another, Derek's words had shaken something in his core, something like fear. He didn't want to spend any time thinking on it. He was so caught up in thinking about anything but what made him uncomfortable, that when Derek stopped, he nearly ran into the other.

"Smell that?"

Jackson took a deep breath, allowing the damp of the forest to infiltrate his sense. Under that was a sharp smell of steel and further under that, the sour smell of overwhelming fear.

"I don't smell any hunters," Jackson said.

"Doesn't mean they aren't hanging around." Derek turned towards him. "We'll grab Isaac when we find him, and you'll watch my back. He's less likely to panic with me. Good?"

"Yeah." It wasn't like he had a better plan.

Derek led them over a few more small hills among the trees, finally revealing a steel crate among the bushes. They exchanged a look and then Derek headed forward. Jackson turned his back on the Alpha, tapping into the anger that always simmered right beneath everything else. His fangs made his jaw creak and he tensed and released his muscles as the change finished. The sound of metal tearing behind him made his ears twitch, but he kept his attention fixed on their surroundings.

There was a quiet intake of breath to his left and he whirled, eyes searching the darkness for the threat. The twang of a bow sounded a moment before an arrow buried itself in his shoulder. He broke it off with a snarl and hurled himself towards the archer. They tumbled down a small hill and without a beat of hesitation, he snapped the offending creature's neck. A moment later, he was knocked aside by Derek, who was almost in full Alpha form.

"Grab Isaac. Go."

Any further words were swallowed by the full shift into the Alpha. Jackson scrambled across the forest floor towards the curled form of his packmate, hefting him over his bad shoulder. He ran as fast as he could, the sounds of fighting and Derek's howls and roars growing more and more distant. Time passed faster than it had on the way there, an effect of the adrenaline rushing through him, and soon he was at the entrance of the Hale house. He eased Isaac down off his shoulder, and barely a heartbeat later, they were surrounded by the rest of the pack.

"Shouldn't you be in a tunnel?" Jackson asked. He yanked his shirt off and sank his claws into his shoulder to pull out the arrowhead.

"You're back. Problem's solved, isn't it?" Scott asked.

"Well, I mean, Derek's fighting the hunters-"

"And you left him?"

Jackson's lips curled back in a snarl as he crowded up into the other's space. "He told me to get Isaac out. I did my job, McCall."

McCall jerked away. "I'm going to help him. You guys take care of Isaac."

He was gone before anyone could protest, and when he turned, Boyd had lifted Isaac off the ground and was carrying him into the house, Erica close at his heels. Jackson followed after them, picking up his shirt and tugging it back on as his wound finished healing. When they reached the living room, Erica laid out a blanket, and Boyd carefully laid the tall and lanky form of Isaac down on top of it. Erica and Boyd curled on either side of him, and then turned twin gazes on Jackson.

"No," he said. "I'm not your pack."

"And when Isaac wakes, he's going to need to feel safe or we're going to have a terrified werewolf on our hands," Erica said sharply. "So get down here."

Jackson held firm, at least until Isaac stirred and rolled onto his back, a soft, scared whimper slipping through barely parted lips. It made the same feeling in his chest from earlier twist sharper than it had with Erica. He knelt then, crawling over to stretch on top of the taller werewolf. Erica and Boyd's arms slung over his waist and he ended up with Erica's lips pressed to his ear.

"It helps, even if you think it doesn't. When Isaac wakes up, he's not going to fight like I did. He'll cower, and want warmth and comfort. If you get violent, he'll just end up more scared. Don't make it worse. Just stow your crap and give him what he needs," she said. She shifted to nuzzle Isaac's neck, and the other's eyelashes fluttered at Jackson's throat.

When he woke fully, Jackson could feel his heartbeat leap until it felt like it was hammering its way into Jackson's chest. There was the soft sound of Erica sighing, and then Isaac turned to nuzzle Jackson's neck.

"C'mon man, 'm not gay," he said, voice quiet as he shifted away.

Isaac's response was to nip lightly at him and Jackson reared back, snarling. He didn't want Isaac's touch, or Erica's or Boyd's, but the resulting look of something close to shame on Isaac's face made Jackson regret his reaction. There was no chance to apologize though, for the next instant, Boyd was throwing him across the room.

"I didn't-"

Boyd cut him off with a hand around his throat and a knee to his gut. "You. Need. To leave."

Jackson clawed at the hand, choking. Boyd released him, but before he could leave, Erica tackled him, claws raking down his chest and sides and her fangs sinking into his shoulder.

"Touch him again! I dare you! I'll rip you apart!"

Boyd pulled her off, but she only writhed and twisted in his grip as she tried to reach Jackson. Jackson scrambled to his feet, eyes flicking between them and Isaac's huddled and shaking form in the corner. Part of him wanted to fix what he had damaged, but when his gaze turned back to the other two betas, saw their hate and their judgment, he turned and fled.

He wasn't even aware of where he was going, only able to run and get away from the rejection, and the hurt, and the burn in his gut that told him that everything he had ever thought about himself was true. It didn't matter if he was perfect some of the time, or even most of the time. One mistake, and all the good he ever did, it didn't matter. Not to the ones that meant the most.

The twigs cut at his elbows as he crumpled on all fours to the forest floor, a harsh cry tearing out of his throat. He hugged his arms tight around himself, claws sinking into any bit of flesh he could reach as he continued to tremble and shake. Something cracked and broke, and everything he had been so good at clamping down rushed past the damaged dam, flooding his body with the things he didn't want to face.

His failures. His flaws. His dark nature that let him kill when he swore to himself that he never would. But what could he possibly expect? He had been born from a corpse, surrounded by death the moment he took his first breath. He had only caused pain to the ones who had taken him in and called him son, and the ones he might have one day called friend.

It was a harsh reality, and it hurt more than the cuts that sliced his skin open. He fell asleep, battered and bruised, with a mind full of mistakes and heart weighted by his own inadequacy. 


	2. You Don't Have to Hide Away

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hopefully this will repair the emotional trauma I put you guys through. Comments are loved.

[Here's the tumblr](http://schizzar.tumblr.com) if you're interested. 

 

Jackson woke in a bed of twigs and leaves. Apparently fancy werewolf powers didn't stop the aches and pains from sleeping in the woods. He pushed himself up and checked his watch. The front was cracked, but it was still working, the hands showing it was already early afternoon. With a frustrated sigh, he yanked his phone out of his pocket. His parents were working that day, but there still two missed calls from them, and another from Lydia. He supposed it could've been worse.

He got to his feet and dusted himself off as best he could. His shirt was too torn up to bother trying to save so he discarded it. No wounds remained, so he wouldn't be bleeding out all over his room. It didn't take long to reach his house, though dodging down back trails and alleyways did slow him down a bit. His parents still weren't home, which made sneaking back in simple. He went through the motions of showering and putting something in his stomach mechanically before crawling back into his bed.

The numbness of his mind scared him, but it was a passing fear, too fleeting to make a dent into the sterile feeling of his thoughts. He didn't want to move, or think. He wanted to fall asleep and never wake up. He was sick of coming so close to something good, something perfect, only to ruin it all with one stupid move.

The shrill sound of his cellphone going off made Jackson jerk upright. When he looked, it was a number he didn't recognize. For a few more moments, he considered ignoring it, but then he answered.

"Hello?"

"It's Derek. I'm coming over."

"How the hell did you get this number?" The words normally would have been filled with venom and anger, but all he could muster up was mild annoyance.

"Not important. I'm being nice by actually warning you. Do me a favor and actually stay where you are."

Before Jackson could come up with some form of a coherent reply, Derek hung up. Jackson threw his phone to the floor and flopped onto his back. Maybe if he had more energy, or cared a little bit more, he would've fled. It wasn't like Derek was going to have a nice chat with him. A violent, probably bloody battle followed by his gory death was much more likely.

He must have dozed off, because the next moment, he was opening his eyes and sitting up, Derek's tall form standing at the edge of his bed.

"Do you realize what you've done?" Derek asked as Jackson rolled off his bed.

"Besides fuck up everything in my life?" It was a genuine question, no sarcasm, no bitterness, just an honest admission. He wasn't sure he could handle another thing he had ruined.

"This isn't just about you!" Derek moved faster than normal, or maybe Jackson just wasn't paying enough attention. Either way, he ended up tossed on the ground, Derek's boot on his chest. "For once, think of someone other than yourself. Thanks to you, Isaac won't let _any_ of us near him."

"What happened?"

Derek shoved off of him. "We don't know. What you did broke _something_ in him."

Jackson sat up "And you're not killing me why?"

"I'm pissed, not homicidal," Derek said, the words harsh and bitten off. "Why? Do you want me to rip your throat out?" Derek turned to look at him, a slight smile on his face that vanished completely when their eyes met. "You...do, don't you? You think you deserve it."

"You think this is the worst thing I've done? I deserve a lot for everything I've ever fucked up," Jackson said, a slight note of hysteria entering his voice. "Honestly if you _did_ kill me, that'd _maybe_ make up for a few of the things I've done."

Derek was frowning, maybe from confusion, maybe something else. "I'm not going to do that. You're a dick, yeah, but you're pack. Even if you're having trouble accepting it."

"And that means what, I'm automatically forgiven?" Jackson hadn't been aware they were stepping closer until they were a few inches apart. He wanted Derek to snap, hit him, break him, but the Alpha didn't rise to the challenge.

"No, that's not what it means. It means that even when we mess up, we stick together. You don't need my forgiveness for this. You need Isaac's forgiveness," Derek said. "The rest of those issues? I don't know where we would start."

"Why do you still want me in your pack?" Jackson demanded. "Clearly I'm not stable enough. I swore to myself I wasn't going to kill again, but I did. How can you control me when I can't even control myself? Even if I apologize and Isaac forgives me, I'm still too fucked up for this."

Derek sighed and took a step back. "Start with Isaac. And maybe, if you're willing, you can let your pack help you. I'll call you when Isaac's better."

There were a thousand different things running through Jackson's head, mostly along the lines of, _Don't leave me, don't make me feel alone, abandoned, like I'm not good enough, like I won't ever be good enough._ But he didn't say any of it. He never had. He wasn't sure he ever would.

Jackson nodded and Derek headed for the window.

"If you need us, really need us, let me know." Derek didn't wait for further confirmation, instead vanishing out the window.

Jackson crawled back into bed and let himself sink into blissful numbness.

 

-.-

 

His parents were pissed for a grand total of five minutes that he hadn't bothered to call them. He didn't care. When he returned the next day to school, he sat alone. The pack didn't look at him, and though Lydia had cast him a quick look, she hadn't moved from her position with them.

He wanted to be frustrated. He wanted to be angry with all of them, but instead, he just watched.

And eventually he stopped watching too.

 

-.-

 

When he got the text from Isaac almost a week later, Jackson didn't reply. He wanted to run but his body was too tired to move, so instead he laid on his bed and stared up at the words on his screen.

_I'm coming over. Please don't leave. I'm not mad._

Jackson pushed himself into a sitting position when there was a light tap on his window a few minutes later. Isaac was crouched on his windowsill, his mop of curls a windswept mess. When Jackson didn't move, Isaac shoved the window open and crawled through before shutting it behind him.

"Hey Mr. Talkative," Isaac said. He glanced around and grabbed the wheeled desk chair, moving it in front of Jackson before taking a seat.

"Did Derek send you?" Jackson asked after a moment.

"Technically, yes. But I thought maybe us talking would be good. Lack of communication tends to be the source of the pack's problems after all," Isaac said.

"Yeah, well I'm sorry. For what I did. Never really was on board with the whole touchy feely crap," Jackson said.

"I figured. And I forgive you, I was just...a little out of it back then," Isaac said. He tugged the already too long shirt sleeves a little longer, wrapping his hands up in them. "And you? How are you doing after all that?"

"Fine?" Jackson was struggling to keep up his facade of nonchalance, but from the way Isaac's brow furrowed with concern, he knew it was far from convincing.

"Derek said you killed someone. And I mean, Erica and Boyd trying to rip your throat out can be a bit disconcerting," Isaac said.

"And I'm fine," Jackson said.

"Minus the part where you haven't made one snide remark yet, have freaked everyone out at school by barely talking all week, and the whole you killed a man which you could know, cause a ton of guilt after the whole kanima thing," Isaac said.

"I mean, I really only killed douchebags. Not likely society is really missing them anyways," Jackson said.

"You killed my dad," Isaac said flatly.

"And you didn't even thank me," Jackson said. He knew baiting Isaac was stupid when he had just gained the other's forgiveness, but he couldn't help it, not when it felt so normal.

"Did you miss the part when I got in trouble for that? And I mean, he was still my dad, so I still cared about him," Isaac said with a shrug.

Jackson frowned. "He kicked the shit out of you."

"Hey, I never claimed he wasn't awful," Isaac said. "And I mean, knowing he isn't about to lock me in a freezer is nice but he wasn't always like that. You know that better than anyone else does."

The direction of the conversation made Jackson's stomach turn with guilt. There was a lot he should have done to help Isaac. His silence, his apathy and lack of action was a sin in it of itself, another thing to add to his list of how he had let everyone around him down.

"Jackson?"

Jackson glanced up. "Sorry. For everything."

Isaac tilted his head to the side. "What do you mean?"

"You know. Not going to the police about what he was doing. Not trying to save you, and...hurting you," Jackson said, gaze carefully rooted to the floor.

"It wasn't your job to save me, Jackson. It never has been," Isaac said. "But if you want me to forgive you, I do."

Jackson jerked back when Isaac's hands slid over to cup Jackson's between them. "What are you doing?"

Isaac pulled back with a sheepish smile. "Sorry. Habit. And you feel like pack, sort of, and you seem upset and it's just something we do I guess."

"Sort of?" Jackson stared at the gap between their hands, fingers twitching to reach out and bring the touch back.

"It doesn't feel complete," Isaac said. He trailed his fingertips over the back of Jackson's hand. "Before it was weak. Now it just feels...bad. Like you're rejecting it, or like...I don't know."

"Derek didn't mention anything," Jackson said. Isaac's touch was soothing, and he wanted to lean into it, which was _weird_ , but something within him still resisted.

"Derek has shitty communication skills. Though he did mention I'm better at determining others' moods through the pack bond. Something to do with how being attune to my dad's moods for my own survival trained me I guess," Isaac murmured. "Do you want to be in the pack, Jackson?"

Isaac's touch, his voice, made Jackson want to tell him the truth. There was something safe about Isaac's presence, a feeling that he wasn't going to be abandoned if he opened up.

"Yes. I'm tired of being alone. Everything is numb and it almost hurts worse that way." The words were whispered, partially choked in his throat. "I've always been alone, from the very beginning."

Isaac's hands slid up his arms and over his shoulders to cup his face. It was odd, but Jackson didn't pull away, only bringing his eyes up to meet Isaac's. "You're not alone Jackson. Even if Erica and Boyd haven't accepted you yet, I do. And soon, they will too."

Something clicked in Jackson's chest and he crumpled forward as a flood of emotions rushed through him. The torrent was overwhelming after years, a lifetime of blinding numbness, and he clung and shook against Isaac. It was embarrassing, breaking so completely, but at the same time, the relief that filled his chest was unlike nothing he had ever felt. Tears, once they started wouldn't stop. There was nowhere in his memory that he could ever recall crying, and while it made his head ache it only made the knotted mess in his chest unwind a bit more, loosen a bit further.

No matter how hard his parents tried, he could never accept them, could never feel as though they were truly accepting him as their own. He couldn't please them because they weren't real. Their approval was a lie, something meant to fill a hole that could never be filled. Lydia, the pack, _Isaac_ , they weren't trying to be a replacement or fill a void, or claim a bond that could never be real. Lydia had built something new that couldn't fill the void, but could shield it from view. Maybe with her, maybe with Isaac, maybe with the pack, he could be accepted truly as himself, with no posturing as he tried to be the biological son his parents really wanted.

With the pack, he wouldn't be doomed to exist as a constant disappointment.

As Jackson became more aware, he realized Isaac had moved them onto the floor, and he was tucked into the other's neck. Isaac's lips trailed along his jaw, his hands along Jackson's back, a delicious, innocent touch that calmed his mind and further relaxed him.

"Can't say I was expecting that," Isaac said quietly. "But seems like you needed it."

"I can't remember the last time I really cried," Jackson said, voice rough and strained.

Isaac's calloused thumbs wiped a few more stray tears away. "Yeah, well I was always a crybaby. You're going to want some water."

Jackson's fists tightened on Isaac's shirt when the taller began to move. "This is not like me. But I really don't want you to leave."

Isaac nosed along his jaw. "Believe me, I know you aren't usually like this. Even if you were, that'd be okay too. But when you need this...let me know. I know just how much a little positive touch can help."

"Yeah," Jackson said quietly, leaning into the touch.

"You realize this doesn't make you _gay_ , right?" Isaac asked in a teasing tone.

"I wouldn't actually care," Jackson said. Tentatively, he began to nuzzle Isaac's neck, the wolf in him liking the idea that Isaac was beginning to smell like him. "I'm sorry for what I did."

"Stop apologizing for things I already forgave you for." Isaac pulled back, cupping Jackson's face in his hands. "If it is alright with you, I would like to kiss you. Then get you some water, and then whatever else would make you feel better."

Jackson stared at him for a moment. He had kissed a few guys in the past, and he had liked it he supposed, it was just girls were usually more his thing. "Sure." Maybe with Isaac, with the pack in general, it would be different.

Isaac's lips were soft on his, a barely there touch and then the taller was getting to his feet with a grin on his face. "I don't want to break your sexuality. I'll be right back, okay?"

Jackson nodded and once Isaac left the room, he pulled himself up to stretch out on his bed. There was still a part of him that wanted to know what the fuck he thought he was doing, but there was a stronger part, the contented part, that wanted Isaac to come back and give him another kiss. But he didn't just want Isaac.

"Budge over," Isaac said as he handed Jackson a glass of water.

Jackson did as ordered and then gulped down the cool liquid as Isaac wrapped around him. When he was finished with the water, Isaac set it aside for him and went back to sloppily kissing Jackson's neck.

"Can we call Lydia?" he asked, sliding a hand through Isaac's mop of curls.

Isaac gave a low noise of consent before sliding up and taking Jackson's lips in a deep kiss. Jackson growled, nipping at his bottom lip and rolling on top of him. Isaac squirmed, but Jackson could feel the shape of his smile. Isaac's hands slid down over his back to his pants pocket to lift out his phone before shoving it into Jackson's hands and pulling away.            

A weird feeling jolted through Jackson when he looked down at Isaac, a feeling that urged him to get closer and protect Isaac, mark him, revel in his comfort. It was different, and not like him, but he was so sick of fighting the lure of the pack bond. Why shouldn't he seek what happiness was offered?

"Call her," Isaac said. "You don't have to explain. She'll understand."

Jackson hit the speed dial for her number as he settled back on top of Isaac, shivering when the other began to nip at his neck once more.

"Jackson. You took your damn sweet time calling me," Lydia said. "Where are you?"

It was so like Lydia, so normal, and it made the last bit of apprehension in Jackson's body ease away. "I'm with Isaac. At my house."

"Oh," she said, as if that clarified everything. "I will be right there then. Give Isaac a kiss for me."

"Uh, sure?" Jackson hung up, crooking an eyebrow up at the werewolf beneath him.

"She didn't mean literally," Isaac said.

"Uh-huh. You messing around with Lydia behind my back, Lahey?" The tone was lighthearted, and Isaac tackled him so that he was on top.

His lips trailed down Jackson's neck and then up to his ear. "Why mess with her when I can have you?"

"Or us both?" Jackson countered, rolling his hips up and nipping at Isaac's jaw. "Why did she seem to know why you were here, hm?"

"Because Erica and I taught her a lot about pack," Isaac said, pushing him back a bit so he could actually look him in the eye. "About how touching helps strengthen the bond and put us in tune with one another, and makes us feel safe. Doesn't have to be sexual but I mean, teenagers, come on."

Jackson gave a short snort of laughter, then slid his hands through Isaac's hair and took his mouth in a deep, invasive kiss. Isaac moaned and arched up into him shamelessly, and neither stirred when the sound of the front door opening and shutting echoed up the stairs. Lydia's scent came closer and closer, and when she stepped into the bedroom and they looked up at her, she just shook her head.

"Did you seriously just ask me over for a threesome, Jackson?" Even as she spoke, she crossed the room and climbed onto the bed beside them.

"No," he said quietly, untangling a bit from Isaac to sit up. Isaac followed suit, arms wrapping around Jackson's waist from behind. Jackson trailed his fingers over Lydia's jaw, twirling a stray curl of red hair around his finger. "Just...wouldn't mind having you both here right now."

Her eyes softened and she cupped his face. "I wish you hadn't locked it all down for so long. I was afraid for you last week. Isaac and Erica told me what happened. Don't scare me like that again."

"You could've come to me," he said quietly.

"Oh, Jackson, no," she said with a slow shake of her head. "We couldn't help you until you wanted to be helped. You're so stubborn like that."

Isaac kissed his cheek. "Just let us take care of you for now, okay Jackson?"

Jackson nodded, eyes sliding shut when Lydia pressed their lips together. He had missed her touch, and between the two of them, he felt like he was going to explode he was so overwhelmed. Isaac eased Jackson back down onto the bed, Lydia at his front, the taller, leaner male at his back. It felt so safe, being stuck between two people who had repeatedly shown they weren't going to judge him and didn't think he was a disappointment.

"Love you," Lydia whispered against his lips, pulling back a bit and smiling.

He curled his arms tight around her middle and buried his face in her neck, taking in a deep breath of her scent. There was a slight shifting, and he grinned when he heard Isaac and Lydia begin to kiss, felt Lydia's hips bump up against his. With a soft sigh, he slid his hands down and then up under her shirt, trailing over the soft skin of her back.

The thought of his two packmates kissing made arousal curl hotter in his stomach than he thought it would, and he trailed his blunt nails down Lydia's spine in a way that he knew would make her arch and squirm. She gave a deep moan, muffled at first by Isaac's kiss and then as she arched back, it grew louder.

Jackson leaned up and kissed her hard even as her hand trailed down his bare chest to toy with the button of his jeans. He hadn't been sure if a sexual touch was what he wanted, but with Isaac and Lydia, it didn't feel overtly sexual. There was some emotion, a mix of them, bubbling in his chest. He wasn't used to feeling anything so strongly, especially something he couldn't quite pinpoint.

When Lydia's hand grasped his length, he tore his mouth away from hers to groan out her name into Isaac's jaw. Isaac's hands roamed over his stomach and chest as he pressed soft kisses into the nape of Jackson's neck, the touch soothing the intensity of Lydia's touch down to a dull, low hum of pleasure. His groan faded into a soft sigh as one of Isaac's hands began to shove his jeans down, Lydia assisting a bit even as she toyed with the head of his cock.

Jackson pressed his forehead into her collarbone, lips mouthing at the fabric of her silk shirt. When the jeans were far enough down, he finished kicking them off before pressing his lips back to Lydia's, the kiss far softer and gentler than it had been earlier. His hands slid around her bare hips to fumble with the button on her jeans next, undoing it and unzipping just enough to slide his hand in and run his fingers over her clit through her panties.

Isaac's arms wrapped tighter around them both, finding the hem of Lydia's shirt and pulling it off to throw it on the floor. Jackson nuzzled down between her bra-clad breasts to mouth along the edge as Isaac's hands returned to slide over his chest and down to his cock, stroking along it as Lydia continued to play with the tip. He gave a soft whine, bucking into their combined grip and then moaning when Isaac pressed his hips tight up against Jackson's ass. Jackson could feel his arousal, could smell it, their combined scents making his head spin, and it didn't freak him out. He rocked back into Isaac, then up into Lydia, making sure to keep pleasuring her with his fingers.

He didn't want to just take, he wanted to give. He wanted to make sure they felt as loved and cherished as they were making him feel. His tongue licked a line up between Lydia's breasts, along her neck and up to her mouth before a brief kiss, and then he was rolling back into Isaac, groaning when the other male fisted a hand in his hair and arched his neck back to steal his own kiss.

Lydia wiggled away as they kissed, Jackson's hand slipping down to grasp at the bedspread instead. She was back barely a moment later, completely bare for them. Jackson's lips returned to hers, hand stroking down over her stomach and finally to the wet between her thighs. He slid a finger inside, thumb toying with her clit as her arms wrapped around his neck. Isaac nipped at her fingers, his own hand pumping Jackson's cock faster than before.

It took a moment, but eventually Jackson matched the speed of Isaac's stroke with his fingers, and soon Lydia was groaning out their names as she mouthed at Jackson's lips, his jaw, his neck. Jackson's climax had no build up, perhaps because it had been humming beneath his skin for so long. It washed over him suddenly, spilling over Lydia's stomach and Isaac's hand.

He gasped, panting into Lydia's neck as his fingers stilled inside her and then slid out as he rode out the complicated mess washing through him. Lydia pulled back, sliding her fingers through the sticky wet on her stomach before offering her fingers to Isaac. Isaac bent over his neck, and Jackson watched with widened eyes as Isaac sucked the mess off of each of his fingers before burying his face in Jackson's neck and bumping up his hips up against him.

"Tastes like you," Isaac murmured into his neck. "It tastes good."

Jackson rolled into Isaac's grasp without really thinking and kissed the other werewolf, tongue diving in to get a little bit of the taste. It was a weird instinct, to want that taste, but it made something in him feel content to affirm that his scent was properly marked.

"Isaac, clothes off," Lydia said from behind them.

Jackson and Isaac both rolled away and sat up. Isaac fought with his pants, pausing only long enough to let Jackson pull his shirt off and throw it on the growing mess of clothes on the floor. When Isaac was bared before him, Jackson didn't pull away. He didn't want to. Isaac was pack, and had taken care of him. Now he could take care of Isaac.

Lydia's hand curled around the back of his neck and she pulled him in for a kiss before shoving his head down towards Isaac's crotch. Jackson licked at Isaac's hip before hesitating, hands sliding and curling around the other's thighs.

"You don't have to if you don't want to of course," Lydia said, voice soft as Isaac stretched out on his back.

Jackson met her eyes, then Isaac's. "Just don't expect much from me."

Isaac gave him a lazy grin. "Whatever you can give me will be the best I've had."

Jackson normally would've ignored the flutter in his chest the words caused, but he didn't bother, instead reveling in the feeling whole-heartedly before trailing his lips down Isaac's hips and finally to his cock. He didn't worry about not being good enough and just slid his tongue over the tip to get a taste. It was different, a bit weird, but it was Isaac, and he wanted to make the other smell like him everywhere.

Isaac gave a short whine as his hand tangled in the short strands of Jackson's hair, his other pawing at Lydia's thigh. Lydia edged closer and Isaac nuzzled her leg as she combed her hands through his hair. Jackson didn't try and take any more of Isaac's length into his mouth, choosing instead to concentrate on the head and letting his hand cover the rest. Isaac was longer than him, which made sense, and he wasn't too keen on choking when he gave his first blowjob. The taller certainly didn't seem to mind from the way he was panting out Jackson's name into Lydia's skin.

"Please, Jackson," Isaac bit out. "Little more, almost there."

Jackson suckled a bit harder, tongue slipping out to tease the slit before flicking up under the head and back into the slit once more. Isaac's hips stuttered up and Lydia gave a soft gasp when he nipped her thigh. Isaac tugged him off the next moment, and Jackson crooked an eyebrow up when he looked up at him.

Isaac gave a strained smile. "Was gonna come. Didn't wanna shock you..."

Jackson turned his gaze back down to the other's cock, the shiny red tip, wet with his saliva and Isaac's pre-come. "Go for it." He wrapped his lips down around the tip again, taking a bit more in his mouth than he had before while his fingers trailed down over Isaac's balls. On instinct, he pressed lightly against his hole, not dipping in, just a light pressure, more of a teasing motion really. But it was apparently enough.

"J-Jackson!" Isaac's hand tightened hard in his hair, hips jerking up as his cock sputtered out his release.

Valiantly, Jackson let the first few drops hit his tongue but then pulled back to let it hit his neck and chin. The taste wasn't as good as he thought it would be, though the feel of it on his skin made his stomach curl in a deliciously good way. Isaac's spasming hand tugged him back up a bit, and Jackson moaned when his tongue came out to lick his release off of Jackson's skin.

Lydia's hands trailed down his spine and over Isaac's neck as their lips found each other in a slow lazy kiss.

"Not that what just happened wasn't ridiculously hot or something," Lydia said quietly in Jackson's ear. "But I wouldn't mind a little attention."

Jackson turned to kiss her next, then moved to get behind her, pulling her between his legs as he kissed her neck. He glanced over at Isaac and motioned for him to do something too. After a moment of hesitation, Isaac came up in front of her to take her lips in a gentle kiss. His broad hands and long fingers slid up and down her thighs, which she parted with a soft sigh.  Jackson mimicked the same motions up and down her sides, cupping under her breasts and then back down to her hips, listening to the way her heart jumped and feeling the way her muscles shook.

She began to wiggle in their grasp, moaning into Isaac's kiss, and finally, Isaac pressed a finger inside her. Lydia arched back away from his kiss to bury her face in Jackson's neck as Isaac began to lightly stroke his thumb against her clit. Jackson kept his touch soothing and gentle on her stomach and over her breasts, kissing her forehead as she worried the skin of his neck between her teeth.

Isaac leaned forward to kiss Jackson, sucking his lower lip in between his and nipping lightly as he increased his strokes inside of her. Her thighs trembled, hips bucking and Jackson could feel the tense and release as Isaac slipped another finger inside the hot wet of her core.

"Isaac..." His name was a breathless sigh from Lydia's lips, and Jackson was surprised at the lack of jealousy he felt. What they were doing felt right. Being this close with both of them, working each other towards a heady and contented pleasure felt right.

Lydia's climax came on harder than either of theirs; it always had in the past. She arched into Jackson's grip, head thrown back and thighs spasming as her fingers dug into the comforter and twisted. Isaac gave a low moan and broke away from Jackson's lips to bury his face between her thighs, licking at her entrance to make her gasp and shudder even more, her hands moving to twist in his hair as her hips jerked up and up.

Eventually, Isaac pulled back, and Jackson kept up the steadying motions of his hands over her stomach and hips until she was finally limp between them, a smile on her lips.

"So you guys going to explain what that was about?" she asked as they settled underneath the covers. They became a mass of entangled limbs that ended with Jackson in the middle, Lydia at his front and Isaac at his back.

Jackson tucked his face into her neck. "I guess...I'm doing this pack thing. And maybe I'm finally figuring stuff out."

"Oh you have got a long way to go before you figure all your issues out," Lydia said, though her tone was light. "But we'll be with you."

"You just had to learn how to ask," Isaac mumbled into his neck. "And I'm glad you let us help."

Lydia brought his face up so she could look him in the eye. "We're going to figure everything out, Jackson. You don't have to worry about being yourself around us. We'll always accept you. And I'll always love you."

Jackson nodded his understanding. "I...I love you too, Lydia."

She smiled and gave him a quick kiss, then reached over him to do the same with Isaac. "Now, how long do we have before your parents get home?"

"Yeah, because frankly I'm enjoying this cuddling thing," Isaac said as he nuzzled the back of his neck.

"We gotta few hours," Jackson said, returning his face to bury against Lydia's collarbone.

"Then sleep. We'll take care of you," Lydia said.

"We both will," Isaac murmured.

Jackson closed his eyes. And slept. 


End file.
